My name is Katharine Tapley, and I don't feel the need to be anonymous anymore. Thanks to those of you who knew and kept the secret, but I've dealt with what I needed to.
This is my "real" work.
Saturday, December 06, 2008
Friday, June 27, 2008
Wordle is awesome. This is the text for my White Kitchen story.
Below is my favorite poem "Funeral Blues" by W.H.Auden.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
While I was at my parents' house, I wrote this.
I like that when we're home, we can spend a rainy Saturday morning at the art museum less than 5 minutes from our house. If we want to go out to dinner, we have a variety of cuisines, and restaurants within those categories that are excellent. I like that we live in a nice quiet neighborhood that's only a walk away from Husband's office (what used to be his office) and a major highway that can take us wherever we want to go. I like that we can walk to the grocery store, Target, two restaurants and a Starbucks without going more than 2 miles. Sam's doctor is 3 miles away. There's a big grassy park at the upper end of our street.
I really like living in the city.
Yet...
a few days ago I hung wet clothes on a clothesline next to a cherry tree.
My toddler ran around and around on an acre of land and never came too close to anything dangerous.
He smelled flowers and rolled in grass and went in and out of shrubs.
He was free, I had sun on my shoulders, a sweet smelling breeze in my hair and I thought...
okay. Country life is nice.
I really like living in the city.
Yet...
a few days ago I hung wet clothes on a clothesline next to a cherry tree.
My toddler ran around and around on an acre of land and never came too close to anything dangerous.
He smelled flowers and rolled in grass and went in and out of shrubs.
He was free, I had sun on my shoulders, a sweet smelling breeze in my hair and I thought...
okay. Country life is nice.
Friday, May 16, 2008
While I was away, I made this list.
Pros of living with parents for over a month:
1. No rent.
2. They haven't asked me to cook or clean anything.
3. Three babysitters who cost nothing and are overjoyed with the job.
4. A dog!
5. A huge yard, full of colorful flower gardens and flowering trees.
6. My laundry is hung to dry on a clothes line! Ahhh...that fresh air smell.
7. People have been bringing me flowers to cheer me up during this tough time.
8. Women in my parents church knitted me a prayer shawl. In purple, because they know it's my favorite color.
9. I do love my parents.
Cons of living with my parents:
1. At least three times a week I want to strangle my mother. It passes, but it reminds me why I like her so much more now than I did when I lived with her all the time .
2. Mom, Dad and Sister are all slobs. I don't just mean clothes on the floor, I mean unidentifiable smells coming from somewhere in the kitchen and a half an hour search to discover chinese food that had been left out for a few days.
3. Apparently the lush, fertile ground makes this particular area of the country the worst for seasonal allergy sufferers. For a few days at the beginning of this month, Sam and I couldn't leave the house because our nostrils would seal themselves shut and Sam's tear ducts would start producing "goo".
4. Dog hair is all over everything. Sam thought it was edible for a while. Ew.
The Pros far outweigh the Cons, until we get to this:
I miss my husband.
1. No rent.
2. They haven't asked me to cook or clean anything.
3. Three babysitters who cost nothing and are overjoyed with the job.
4. A dog!
5. A huge yard, full of colorful flower gardens and flowering trees.
6. My laundry is hung to dry on a clothes line! Ahhh...that fresh air smell.
7. People have been bringing me flowers to cheer me up during this tough time.
8. Women in my parents church knitted me a prayer shawl. In purple, because they know it's my favorite color.
9. I do love my parents.
Cons of living with my parents:
1. At least three times a week I want to strangle my mother. It passes, but it reminds me why I like her so much more now than I did when I lived with her all the time .
2. Mom, Dad and Sister are all slobs. I don't just mean clothes on the floor, I mean unidentifiable smells coming from somewhere in the kitchen and a half an hour search to discover chinese food that had been left out for a few days.
3. Apparently the lush, fertile ground makes this particular area of the country the worst for seasonal allergy sufferers. For a few days at the beginning of this month, Sam and I couldn't leave the house because our nostrils would seal themselves shut and Sam's tear ducts would start producing "goo".
4. Dog hair is all over everything. Sam thought it was edible for a while. Ew.
The Pros far outweigh the Cons, until we get to this:
I miss my husband.
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Thoughts from a Business Partner
Love and marriage are certainly not wholly rational things, but in order for such a relationship to grow, a certain amount of rationale is needed. I suppose that’s the core of empathy.
The best advice I can give to newly married people are things that I have found make a working environment a much more productive and pleasant place, regardless of industry.
1. Don’t argue angry.
When a client or employee faults on something, you’re frustrated. Obviously. However, it would be unprofessional to call said client immediately to discuss the fault. Anger isn’t rational and you’re liable to say things you don’t mean, things that will hurt your relationship with the client in the future. Also, your reputation.
What you do instead is figure out what it is motivating your anger. Is it a repeated issue, is it the result of deceit, or have you just had a really bad day and a careless mistake has set you off? You take time and figure it out. You write down your thoughts and what you feel the core problem is. When you have calmed down, you state your case clearly, and without damaging outbursts.
Now replace “client” with “spouse”. I know it seems like we shouldn’t need to write things feelings before we talk to each other, and we shouldn’t when we’re just talking about everyday things. However, in an argument, especially about something serious, there’s a greater chance that you’ll hurt someone’s feelings, or confuse them and (in your irrational state of mind) yourself.
Also, to look at it from a selfish point of view, angry people don’t win arguments. Calm people do.
2. Take notes on serious topics.
This ties back to #1, but it works no matter what the tone is. No one’s memory is perfect. When something big is discussed, when a subject that will require information to be saved, when legal matters may necessitate notes...TAKE NOTES! If there’s a risk you may be sued or need to sue, or even if you want to hold something in front of the client’s face and say “Actually, Mister Qwerty, you told us in our October 18th meeting that you thought this was an excellent idea. Remember?” (you show notes, client realizes and hopefully work progresses).
Does it seem lame to take notes when you’re discussing an upcoming vacation with the wife? Yep. Will you be glad you did when she asks you whose job it is to book the hotel room and you have paperwork to prove that you both decided that it was her job while your job was to call the neighbors about feeding and walking Sprockets while you’re gone? You will indeed.
3. After 7 p.m., emergencies only.
A good client does not call at 9 p.m. when some issue pops up that they have decided can’t wait another 11 hours. It’s rude, and you’re going to ruin someone’s relaxing night with their family. You’d hate it if they did that to you.
Don’t decide at 10.30 p.m. as you’re snuggling into bed or in front of the TV with your ice cream and slippers that it’s the time to bring up the fact that you don’t want to spend Christmas with your in-laws. Bad timing. You’re both tired. More likely to be cranky. You wanted to be sleeping in less time than it will take to resolve this.
Save it for another time. Say “Tomorrow over dinner, I’d like to talk about the plans for Christmas” (or write it down and tell them in the morning). If your partner has forgotten this rule and is an emotional mess, say “Vent if you have to, but we will not discuss this right now.”.
Obviously if your lawyer’s office just burned down, or you walk in on the husband shagging his personal trainer...exceptions. You may want to get some information clear immediately.
4. Be sure of your priorities, and their priorities.
When you discuss a project with a client, the words “We want” are used. This is how you know what to do for them. If the specifics are very important, make sure you state “this is very important to our company” and/or “completing project A by November 1st is our primary focus because of B.”
“I know you want us to go to Paris this Spring, but I think we should focus our finances towards saving for a house. Is that something we both want more than the vacation?”
If your client or spouse has different priorities, you need to know that. Knowledge is imperative to conflict resolution, but no one will know anything in your head unless you tell them directly.
5. Ask what’s expected of you.
You wouldn’t take on a project if you aren’t certain you know what you’re supposed to do. If you don’t ask, and you do the wrong thing, someone will get mad at you. You will get mad at you and you will realize that much time, energy, and possibly money will be saved if you suck in your ego and say “I want to be sure we both know that you want us to handle both the print and internet marketing for Superawesomefest.” or “Just making sure...you want me to listen right now, you don’t need solutions?”.
If the person you’re dealing with gets pissy at you for doing it, say calmly “I’d rather be sure now than wrong later.”
6. Tell them what they said. Tell them what you understood.
In a perfect world, everyone would say what they mean, and no one would have to analyze anything. Sadly, our race has been infiltrated with fear of rejection, fear of hurting people’s feelings, fear of failure, and that causes people to water down the power of their messages until they become so diluted you can’t figure out their point.
“You said you don’t want to go to the movie tomorrow. Is it that you don’t want to see that movie, do you want to just stay home, or do you not want to spend time with me?”
Very often, it is not the worst answer.
“You said you want to move the focus of the project from C to D? By that do you mean that you’re not pleased with our work on C, or do you think that D is going to be more profitable?”
Whatever they say, take it. If they’re not being honest, it’s their problem. You were proactive and involved. Expect honesty from them and give it in return. Blunt? Maybe. Hard to swallow? Could be. Better for everyone in the long run? Totally.
Of course, if they whine about it later, you can whip out your notes and calmly say
“But you see, Dearest Love, you told me that you did not want to go to that restaurant because you’d rather stay home. If you were really worried about spending the money, you should have told me so.”
“Miss Qwerty, I asked you if you wanted employee profiles on your site and what you said was “I don’t think Phyllis will like that.”
8. Do not use passive aggression or sarcasm.
All it will do is make you look like an asshole.
If both partners can commit to these, communication is so much easier and relationships are much more enjoyable.
And there’s more time for sex (in marriage).
The best advice I can give to newly married people are things that I have found make a working environment a much more productive and pleasant place, regardless of industry.
1. Don’t argue angry.
When a client or employee faults on something, you’re frustrated. Obviously. However, it would be unprofessional to call said client immediately to discuss the fault. Anger isn’t rational and you’re liable to say things you don’t mean, things that will hurt your relationship with the client in the future. Also, your reputation.
What you do instead is figure out what it is motivating your anger. Is it a repeated issue, is it the result of deceit, or have you just had a really bad day and a careless mistake has set you off? You take time and figure it out. You write down your thoughts and what you feel the core problem is. When you have calmed down, you state your case clearly, and without damaging outbursts.
Now replace “client” with “spouse”. I know it seems like we shouldn’t need to write things feelings before we talk to each other, and we shouldn’t when we’re just talking about everyday things. However, in an argument, especially about something serious, there’s a greater chance that you’ll hurt someone’s feelings, or confuse them and (in your irrational state of mind) yourself.
Also, to look at it from a selfish point of view, angry people don’t win arguments. Calm people do.
2. Take notes on serious topics.
This ties back to #1, but it works no matter what the tone is. No one’s memory is perfect. When something big is discussed, when a subject that will require information to be saved, when legal matters may necessitate notes...TAKE NOTES! If there’s a risk you may be sued or need to sue, or even if you want to hold something in front of the client’s face and say “Actually, Mister Qwerty, you told us in our October 18th meeting that you thought this was an excellent idea. Remember?” (you show notes, client realizes and hopefully work progresses).
Does it seem lame to take notes when you’re discussing an upcoming vacation with the wife? Yep. Will you be glad you did when she asks you whose job it is to book the hotel room and you have paperwork to prove that you both decided that it was her job while your job was to call the neighbors about feeding and walking Sprockets while you’re gone? You will indeed.
3. After 7 p.m., emergencies only.
A good client does not call at 9 p.m. when some issue pops up that they have decided can’t wait another 11 hours. It’s rude, and you’re going to ruin someone’s relaxing night with their family. You’d hate it if they did that to you.
Don’t decide at 10.30 p.m. as you’re snuggling into bed or in front of the TV with your ice cream and slippers that it’s the time to bring up the fact that you don’t want to spend Christmas with your in-laws. Bad timing. You’re both tired. More likely to be cranky. You wanted to be sleeping in less time than it will take to resolve this.
Save it for another time. Say “Tomorrow over dinner, I’d like to talk about the plans for Christmas” (or write it down and tell them in the morning). If your partner has forgotten this rule and is an emotional mess, say “Vent if you have to, but we will not discuss this right now.”.
Obviously if your lawyer’s office just burned down, or you walk in on the husband shagging his personal trainer...exceptions. You may want to get some information clear immediately.
4. Be sure of your priorities, and their priorities.
When you discuss a project with a client, the words “We want” are used. This is how you know what to do for them. If the specifics are very important, make sure you state “this is very important to our company” and/or “completing project A by November 1st is our primary focus because of B.”
“I know you want us to go to Paris this Spring, but I think we should focus our finances towards saving for a house. Is that something we both want more than the vacation?”
If your client or spouse has different priorities, you need to know that. Knowledge is imperative to conflict resolution, but no one will know anything in your head unless you tell them directly.
5. Ask what’s expected of you.
You wouldn’t take on a project if you aren’t certain you know what you’re supposed to do. If you don’t ask, and you do the wrong thing, someone will get mad at you. You will get mad at you and you will realize that much time, energy, and possibly money will be saved if you suck in your ego and say “I want to be sure we both know that you want us to handle both the print and internet marketing for Superawesomefest.” or “Just making sure...you want me to listen right now, you don’t need solutions?”.
If the person you’re dealing with gets pissy at you for doing it, say calmly “I’d rather be sure now than wrong later.”
6. Tell them what they said. Tell them what you understood.
In a perfect world, everyone would say what they mean, and no one would have to analyze anything. Sadly, our race has been infiltrated with fear of rejection, fear of hurting people’s feelings, fear of failure, and that causes people to water down the power of their messages until they become so diluted you can’t figure out their point.
“You said you don’t want to go to the movie tomorrow. Is it that you don’t want to see that movie, do you want to just stay home, or do you not want to spend time with me?”
Very often, it is not the worst answer.
“You said you want to move the focus of the project from C to D? By that do you mean that you’re not pleased with our work on C, or do you think that D is going to be more profitable?”
Whatever they say, take it. If they’re not being honest, it’s their problem. You were proactive and involved. Expect honesty from them and give it in return. Blunt? Maybe. Hard to swallow? Could be. Better for everyone in the long run? Totally.
Of course, if they whine about it later, you can whip out your notes and calmly say
“But you see, Dearest Love, you told me that you did not want to go to that restaurant because you’d rather stay home. If you were really worried about spending the money, you should have told me so.”
“Miss Qwerty, I asked you if you wanted employee profiles on your site and what you said was “I don’t think Phyllis will like that.”
8. Do not use passive aggression or sarcasm.
All it will do is make you look like an asshole.
If both partners can commit to these, communication is so much easier and relationships are much more enjoyable.
And there’s more time for sex (in marriage).
Monday, May 12, 2008
Immature Giggle
Whilst buying a massive box of diapers today at BJ's Wholesale Club, I found two products so perfectly placed beside each other.
Trojan Condoms and Depends Adult Undergarments.
Hee hee hee hee.
Trojan Condoms and Depends Adult Undergarments.
Hee hee hee hee.
Sunday, May 11, 2008
Happy Mother's Day!
My gift to myself is letting my son watch two whole Thomas videos as soon as he got up.
While I lay on the couch with a magazine.
Ahhhh.
While I lay on the couch with a magazine.
Ahhhh.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Very Long Story Short
My family is moving. We're not sure to where yet, but this weekend, my son and I are going to my parents' house for a while. My husband has to find a new job, and a new place to live. In my pregnant and perpetually sick state, I'd be better taken care of with them.
Our version of "normal" is going on hiatus, so this blog will, too. Let's face it, lately I've been too exhausted and sick to write anything anyway.
We're going to be fine, but it's going to be a difficult few weeks/months (let's pray for weeks).
Our version of "normal" is going on hiatus, so this blog will, too. Let's face it, lately I've been too exhausted and sick to write anything anyway.
We're going to be fine, but it's going to be a difficult few weeks/months (let's pray for weeks).
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Oh. Kay.
I am pregnant. Didn't go to that party because I was feeling too sick.
I'm happy about being pregnant...I think. I mean, we wanted our kids three years apart, and this new little one is going to arrive a few months before Sam turns 3.
No, I know I'm happy about being pregnant, but I really don't feel happy. I feel exhausted and queasy and fat and scared. Very scared. Terrified.
My son is a handful. He's active and demanding and he's very stubborn. He refuses to talk, even though he can, so trying to figure out what he wants is difficult. Seriously, it will take this kid fifteen minutes of him whining and tugging on the door of the fridge to finally yell "JUICE!". Even though we know that may be what he wants, we won't give it to him unless he says it (or if he says "please" or "yes" when we ask him). We're trying to get him to use the words he already knows, and he isn't going to do that if we respond only to his nasal whining.
So, I have a two year old who won't speak and takes up the majority of my energy and I'm careless enough to get pregnant again? What the hell is wrong with me? How the hell am I supposed to do this? How come I forgot how much being pregnant sucked the first time? Did I forget that I was in labor for TWENTY THREE HOURS?
There are so many good things, but I spent all day feeling sleepy and am now wide awake. I can't think of anything.
I'm happy about being pregnant...I think. I mean, we wanted our kids three years apart, and this new little one is going to arrive a few months before Sam turns 3.
No, I know I'm happy about being pregnant, but I really don't feel happy. I feel exhausted and queasy and fat and scared. Very scared. Terrified.
My son is a handful. He's active and demanding and he's very stubborn. He refuses to talk, even though he can, so trying to figure out what he wants is difficult. Seriously, it will take this kid fifteen minutes of him whining and tugging on the door of the fridge to finally yell "JUICE!". Even though we know that may be what he wants, we won't give it to him unless he says it (or if he says "please" or "yes" when we ask him). We're trying to get him to use the words he already knows, and he isn't going to do that if we respond only to his nasal whining.
So, I have a two year old who won't speak and takes up the majority of my energy and I'm careless enough to get pregnant again? What the hell is wrong with me? How the hell am I supposed to do this? How come I forgot how much being pregnant sucked the first time? Did I forget that I was in labor for TWENTY THREE HOURS?
There are so many good things, but I spent all day feeling sleepy and am now wide awake. I can't think of anything.
Friday, February 08, 2008
She doesn't want you to solve her problems, she just wants you to listen.
He's tired and grumpy and refuses to nap.
My self esteem is really low because I went to McDonalds on the way home from a friend's house and I'm trying to lose ten pounds, so I shouldn't have gone to McDonalds.
My friend is totally non judgemental, but she has an excellently behaved one year old daughter who shares well and talks perfectly and my son whined when she wanted to play with his Thomas train and kept taking her pacifier even though he doesn't like them, and kept trying to turn their TV on and off and finally flopped into my lap and frowned for the last 15 minutes of our visit while the one year old adorably ate all of her peaches and held up her hands in a precious "all done" gesture when she had finished.
My house is messy, yet for the half an hour...fuck it...the hour that I let my son hang out in his crib I just read a magazine and lay on the couch like a hideous beached whale.
My period hasn't arrived, but I am PMSing like a madwoman and I'm afraid that if it doesn't come it means I'm pregnant, and I would like to be pregnant next month not right now because a week from today I am going to a party at a cool Boston club and I want to wear something sexy and drink.
I can't stop yawning.
I haven't worked on the Evie illustrations since Sunday. I know I have until March, but I'm terrified that this is going to be a pattern.
My libido has plummeted. I hate it when that happens. I think it's worse that being horny and frustrated, because as least then I have my vibrator, but nothing is working and WORST of all my husband doesn't feel well so he doesn't seem to care and
I'm going to go watch Backyardigans and snuggle with my son.
He did give the one year old a big grin and a hug when he met her, though. It was pretty cute, especially since, standing up her head barely reaches his shoulder. It was more like a head hug.
My self esteem is really low because I went to McDonalds on the way home from a friend's house and I'm trying to lose ten pounds, so I shouldn't have gone to McDonalds.
My friend is totally non judgemental, but she has an excellently behaved one year old daughter who shares well and talks perfectly and my son whined when she wanted to play with his Thomas train and kept taking her pacifier even though he doesn't like them, and kept trying to turn their TV on and off and finally flopped into my lap and frowned for the last 15 minutes of our visit while the one year old adorably ate all of her peaches and held up her hands in a precious "all done" gesture when she had finished.
My house is messy, yet for the half an hour...fuck it...the hour that I let my son hang out in his crib I just read a magazine and lay on the couch like a hideous beached whale.
My period hasn't arrived, but I am PMSing like a madwoman and I'm afraid that if it doesn't come it means I'm pregnant, and I would like to be pregnant next month not right now because a week from today I am going to a party at a cool Boston club and I want to wear something sexy and drink.
I can't stop yawning.
I haven't worked on the Evie illustrations since Sunday. I know I have until March, but I'm terrified that this is going to be a pattern.
My libido has plummeted. I hate it when that happens. I think it's worse that being horny and frustrated, because as least then I have my vibrator, but nothing is working and WORST of all my husband doesn't feel well so he doesn't seem to care and
I'm going to go watch Backyardigans and snuggle with my son.
He did give the one year old a big grin and a hug when he met her, though. It was pretty cute, especially since, standing up her head barely reaches his shoulder. It was more like a head hug.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Added to the sidebar.
A few people that I've been reading regularly lately have been added to my sidebar. Also someone I've been reading for a few years and thought he was already there and just realized this morning that he's not. So check out Mike Sterling, Kristina Wright, Jeremy Edwards, Redhead Fangirl and Sam Costello's fantastic webcomic "Split Lip".
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Sunday, January 20, 2008
I shall be productive!
Recycled Paper Greetings:
finish editing samples, have them printed & shipped out no later than Jan. 18th.
The book I am writing about Evie (my next door neighbor’s 2 year old):
text finished by Jan. 26th.
art finished by Mar. 1st.
gift printing finished by Mar. 15th. (save copy for agent search sample)
Agent Search:
5 new samples by Apr. 19th.
1/2 hour active search (M-F) beginning Apr. 26th.
I am hoping to still post a here from time to time, but I can't promise. I really love the feeling of finishing a project...need to do more of it.
Sam being more and more active has made me realize that I need to be LESS flexible about my writing. I’ve been too flexible, and have rescheduled and rescheduled writing until I have run out of time in the day. That has to change.
finish editing samples, have them printed & shipped out no later than Jan. 18th.
The book I am writing about Evie (my next door neighbor’s 2 year old):
text finished by Jan. 26th.
art finished by Mar. 1st.
gift printing finished by Mar. 15th. (save copy for agent search sample)
Agent Search:
5 new samples by Apr. 19th.
1/2 hour active search (M-F) beginning Apr. 26th.
I am hoping to still post a here from time to time, but I can't promise. I really love the feeling of finishing a project...need to do more of it.
Sam being more and more active has made me realize that I need to be LESS flexible about my writing. I’ve been too flexible, and have rescheduled and rescheduled writing until I have run out of time in the day. That has to change.
Sunday, January 06, 2008
Eulogy for a Handbag
A little over three years ago I was invited to a designer knockoff party by a woman I worked with. I’m not typically a designer junkie, but I saw a purple number that I fell in love with. At $75. I bought it.
I took this bag all over. So many pockets...I could fit a notebook, my wallet, cell phone, plastic bag of first aid stuff, a snack, small bottle of water, and a spare diaper in it. People raved about its style and color. One woman actually said “Wow...you guys must be doing great!”. She thought it was authentic.
Last night, however, I placed the bag on my lap, and a loose wire almost tore my jeans. I sighed, and said I may have to cut around the pleather piping to remove the rest of the wire. My husband pointed out that it was wearing out on the bottom as well, and maybe it was time for a new bag.
So my gorgeous purple friend was replaced my a hot little scarlet number. Not a designer knockoff, but a genuine leather bag bought at Macy’s on sale. At $58 dollars, it was less expensive, but I wasn’t paying for a plagiarized name, and it’s a higher quality.
Still. I felt sad disposing of my knockoff. People recognized me because if it, and it carried my necessities. Only a thing, but it felt like an appendage.
Rest in peace, Purple M*** J***** Handbag.
I took this bag all over. So many pockets...I could fit a notebook, my wallet, cell phone, plastic bag of first aid stuff, a snack, small bottle of water, and a spare diaper in it. People raved about its style and color. One woman actually said “Wow...you guys must be doing great!”. She thought it was authentic.
Last night, however, I placed the bag on my lap, and a loose wire almost tore my jeans. I sighed, and said I may have to cut around the pleather piping to remove the rest of the wire. My husband pointed out that it was wearing out on the bottom as well, and maybe it was time for a new bag.
So my gorgeous purple friend was replaced my a hot little scarlet number. Not a designer knockoff, but a genuine leather bag bought at Macy’s on sale. At $58 dollars, it was less expensive, but I wasn’t paying for a plagiarized name, and it’s a higher quality.
Still. I felt sad disposing of my knockoff. People recognized me because if it, and it carried my necessities. Only a thing, but it felt like an appendage.
Rest in peace, Purple M*** J***** Handbag.
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